Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Rant: lightsabers getting out of hand

Alternative title: When Hollyweird Bashes Creativity.

I love Star Wars. I've already said that. I just love this franchise so much I must reiterate my feelings for it.

I would love to go back to 1977, using the time machine my future self will have invented, and relive the launch and the hype that surrounded it. I don't think George Lucas had ANY idea he had imagined a world that would ascend to legendary cult classic. What about the lightsaber? IS THE LIGHTSABER COOL, OR WHAT? I wish I had thought of that.

Now, the franchise itself went through one heck of a change between the sequels and prequels. Episodes I and II especially were a big let down, but this is not the topic I wish to discuss. However, I do urge you to watch this 7-parter review of Episode I: The Phantom Menace on YouTube. It's pretty hilarious, and pretty on the money!

The geek within me has always had a soft side for battle scenes, regardless of what genre or movie they're in. From Saving Private Ryan to Braveheart to Star Wars, I really like it when they're well executed. Lightsaber duels were always great.

-Episode IV, A New Hope (1977), brought us the first lightsaber fight ever. It was kind of lame, but being new, it was exciting.
-Episode V, The Empire Strikes Back (1980), brought us a duel between father and son, and some good drama (LUKE, I am your father, but rest assured, the wardrobe is NOT genetic).
-Episode VI, Return of the Jedi (1983), offered us a climaxed duel between father and son again, a lot more emotion, some lightning thrown out the old emperor's fingers and an emotional ending.

It's obvious that CGI and the lightsaber stuff wasn't the center of attention when they made those last three movies. That's probably why they're so much better than the prequels.

Let's keep going.

-Episode I, The Phantom Menace (1999), brought us many lightsaber duels, introduced the double-staff-lightsaber and a tattooed villain with horns on his head.
-Episode II, Attack of the Clones (2002), gave us frickin Yoda owning Saroumane. I swear I was drooling when watching it, and that scene alone was worth the admission price.
-Episode III, Revenge of the Sith (2005), brought us So You Think You Can Dance With Lightsabers, lava, frickin Yoda being owned by the emperor and a lot of cheesy and badly delivered lines.

Though I found there was too much focus on CGI, I won't complain about the lightsaber scenes. Lightsabers are innovative and cool, they're unique to Star Wars and they're iconic for that very reason.

The Star Wars franchise spawned a lot of novels and video games. I've played 93% of them. Now that E3 is under way, developers use this opportunity to unleash new material on the universe. Currently in development is the massively-multiplayer-online-role-playing-game, also known as MMORPG in the private club, Star Wars: The Old Republic. Based on the single player game Knights of the Old Republic (you can see they went all out on the title brainstorming for the new one), it is set for release in 2011. Also known as Cash Cow Lucas Says Thanks, the Old Republic has the potential to make billions of dollars. It goes without saying Lucas Art has been busy building up the hype for this game.

In 2009, at E3, Bioware revealed a new cinematic trailer, made by kickass Blur Studio. It is pure CG winsauce with slow motion thrown in. Word is it costs 850,000$ to make that. I will totally sell a kidney so Blur can make a book trailer for me, but I shall preserve this topic for another post.

As you might have noticed by studying my little timeline, the further we go, the more extravagant Lucas Art gets. Word has it that Georgy himself must clear EVERY video before they can be released. It's hard to believe this, as no one in their right mind would have allowed Jar Jar Binks to EVER exist.

But let's assume it is true, and that George Lucas sees all material and clears it for development.

NOW! In 2010, at E3, Bioware revealed another cinematic trailer. Also made by Blur Studio. Still high quality and CG winsauce. However, I do have a problem with it, but you must watch it first.

I know Jedi are badass, but seriously: STOPING A LIGHTSABER WITH THE HAND? WTF!?!?!? If that's how it is in 2010, what is it gonna be in 2020? Curved lightsabers so Jedi can now IGNITE THEIR FARTS and throw fireballs out of their ass?

Jesus Christ, guys... there's creativity and there's GOING OVERBOARD! Maybe Yoda can stop lightning with his hand, but he's a ├╝ber-Jedi, a bit like Janet Reid. STOP A LIGHTSABER WITH HIS HAND HE CANNOT.

Show some restraint, for the love of Gods (of Kobol).


February Grace said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
February Grace said...

Yeah, it's great they saved the planet and all.

I'd have hated to see anything really bad happen to Alderaan...

Wait, what's that you're saying?

In episode four, they...what?


you might enjoy this

Han Solo makes a guest appearance.

Francis said...

LOL @ the chair toy! This is hilarious, thanks for that :)